questionable material

There are many things in life that I don't understand, but the one on my mind today is reading on the toilet. I don't get it. Why would you want to sit on a hole, exposing the most vulnerable part of your body to a drafty bowl of cold water, and have a relaxing read? You see the books and magazines on the back of toilets as if to say "stay a while". I don't want to stay a while. I want to get up, get out and get on with the day. If I did want to read I would curl up on the couch, or in bed. The toilet would be the last place that I would take a book. You would have "ring around the bum" if you were in there for more than five minutes. And don't even get me started on the cleanliness issue. When I see a cross word puzzle and a pen I nearly loose it. I have begun to see why nerds carry multiple pens in their pockets, because do you really know where other pens have been? No offense to potty readers. I still love you. I just won't be reading your potty books.